The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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