i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
