i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
