My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
