also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
