that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
