Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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