fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
