We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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