How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
