She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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