I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
