the day after is always just damage control
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize