the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
