Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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