Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
