Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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