How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize