my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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