Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize