Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
