I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
