bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
