fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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