I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
