its not stalking. its research.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
