She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize