from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
