saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I need to stop coming to work sober
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
