i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
