you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I need water and some morals
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
