It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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