I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
