ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
