I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
As shirtless as possible
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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