There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
