just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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