Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I understand Curling. That high.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
