Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
