apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize