they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
