we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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