I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
