Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
This is the high leading the old right now
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
