Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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