I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
