Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
