At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
