school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
