Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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