I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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