good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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