How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
