I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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