i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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