She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
