why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
