why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
