I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
