you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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