Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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