Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
