you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
