I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
As shirtless as possible
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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