I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
