where am i from again
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
