So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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