I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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