Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
