Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
