The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
