i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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