i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
