he looks like a really good dad on facebook
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize