Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
